What should I do?

Dear Astrology Room

I am a Virgo born on 24th August 76 at 10pm, married to an Arian who was born on 5th April 1975 at 11.10pm. We have been together since I was 17 and he was 18. The last few years have been very tough for us in our relationship.

Last year he left me and had an affair with someone much younger than myself which turned my world upside down and I had a really awful year. He is back home now, but I really don't know what to do or what sort of future we can have together, as I go from thinking it might all work out one minute to thinking it will never work the next as we are very different and want different things. Really confused and I think neither of us wants to admit defeat but are finding the situation very frustrating and just want to move on either way but feel stuck.

Best regards

LT

Hi LT

Thank you for your letter, and I'm sorry that things have been so tough for you over the past year. We could of course, put that down to the influences in your chart. And as you so rightly point out, you and your partner are very different. In fact it is these differences in your charts which make for the magnetic attraction. It is also these differences which hold you together.

When people start to have affairs with other people, in our society we are locked into the mindset that there must be something 'wrong' with the relationship. Or that we are not as good, whether in bed or in the kitchen, as the instrument of betrayal, the third entity who comes into our cosy twosome set-up and destroys it. Yet there are some people, who need the buzz of the new and different, who are serial betrayers, and usually once they've had the fix of one affair, they tend to move on to another, at some point, even if they fall on their knees and wail they will never cast their eyes in another direction, ever.

We have been educated to learn to trust in love as a thing magical and amazing between two people, and that's why marriage was created as a kind of binding sanctuary, where no-one else can inflict an emotional or sexual knife between the happy couple. But we also know, that since the dawning of human emotions, intellect and that unstoppable drive, lust, the 'happy couple' image is a grand illusion created by civilization and its religious devices in both an attempt to keep the world sane and to wield power.  But human love, or let's say physical desire, is not something the church and its cloistered frustrated clergy can control. Lust and passion, obsession and desire are free agents, which, if we equated them to the Greek gods, or personified them, are irresponsible entities who care little for the mortals they possess in their grip.

So when you become locked in a love triangle, Madame Jealousy, Mademoiselle Revenge, Monsieur Loss, Doctor Loneliness and so on, sweep us out of our comfort zone and remind us that physical desire is the most dangerous of all desires. But why, or why, cannot it be contained? And the geometry of the love triangle and its power play, swings back and forth between the three people, like an out of time pendulum.  When the affair is over and if the betrayer returns, hanging their head, and the one who has been betrayed forgives, there is a gap which will never be filled again, until another 'affair' throws the two into three again.

In most relationships, there is usually one protagonist who will be tempted. One who will 'innocently' be betrayed. Why have I said all this to you? I think you know. I think its because deep down, yes, neither of you like to be defeated, neither of you want to give up on the other, and neither have the courage to let go nor admit that 'things are different now and they will never be the same again.'

It may be you have to be strong with yourself and ask, 'will I ever trust him again? And if I can't trust him, do I want to spend the rest of my life wondering what he is up to? I cannot say what you should do, but only that the bond of trust has been broken, and its timely now to move on, trusting only your deepest gut instinct.

Blessings

Sarah